Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
