You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
