Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
