I wanna passion pit in your ass
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
