so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
