mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
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I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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