I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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