When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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