i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
