I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
