i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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