Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize