In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
