I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
