wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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