That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
