he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?