hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos