dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.