Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
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I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.