drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
