I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?