This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.