ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
