Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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