found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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