I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
