I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
