Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
