Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
