Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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