I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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