I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
