Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
