she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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