I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
