Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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