fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Randomize
