He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize