The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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