I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
