So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
