in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize