i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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