It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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