i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
