yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Randomize
