i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
