I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
