just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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