That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i believe in u and ur pee
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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