Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
