I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
