You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
