i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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