If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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