everyone is single if you try hard enough
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
