..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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