I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
