you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
