I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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