Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
