omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
