he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
