I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
