Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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