I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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