It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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