Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
