You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Randomize
