i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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