I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
