why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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