I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize